The popular image of “self-care” as a buzzword is one of spa treatments, mojitos, and retail therapy. Don’t get me wrong -I love all those things, and sometimes they very much qualify as self-care, but that’s only a small part of what it is to care for your self.

We don’t talk enough about the deeper ideas of caring for one’s self. Caring for our whole self is a lifetime commitment. As I grow in my journey, I’ve come to realize that it really is a commitment. It’s a commitment to really be there for yourself in a way that builds a strong and healthy foundation on which to grow.

As I write this, I’m practicing self-care by running the dishwasher, and later today, I’ll be going through the weird pile of clothes in my bedroom that I’ve been ignoring. The most important way to care for our selves, I think, is to do the hard things.

When my bedroom is cleaned and organized, I’ll be able to set up a small altar on my dresser for quiet meditations when I need them. With a clean kitchen, I can get ready to make a batch of mead. Mead-making makes me feel good, and it is something I do to honor Odin.

I’ve put these things (and to be honest, a lot of other things) to the side since 2020 for a myriad of reasons -most of them revolving around the stress and worry that started with the pandemic. Only in the last few months, folks, am I actually able to move forward, out from under that weight, and I know I’m not alone. It’s difficult to truly care for ourselves in the face of so much fear and uncertainty, especially because such fear and worry just snowballs around itself and can get to a point where it feels like we’ll never be able to crawl out from under it, let alone ever grow or thrive again.

This is why self-care needs to start with the difficult stuff, like therapy, taking care of one’s physical health in a way that’s kind and loving, and attending to our home spaces in a way that helps us feel safe and grounded. Without these basic building blocks, other attempts at self-care are more about avoidance than they are truly cultivating a relationship of love and care within ourselves.